Milking the Space Cow, or How to Get Thay Perfect Idea

Milking the Space Cow, or How to Get That Perfect Idea

By Victoria Quercia

                I imagine if you’re reading this, you’re doing it for either of two reasons. One, you have written about a page and a half of your latest short story, poem, play or whatever, and you’re suddenly drawing a blank because you have no idea what comes next. The other possibility is that you saw the title and thought to yourself “Hmm, space cows…”

                Well, it doesn’t matter what possessed you to take a peek at this article, because now that you’ve started reading this – whether you’re having trouble coming up with fresh ideas or not – that title alone has provided you with such an unusual (and potentially disturbing) mental image that you won’t be able to forget about this blog post until you’ve satisfied your curiosity by reading it and have determined that the author is not using hallucinogenic drugs.

                So, now that I’ve ensured you’re hooked, let’s get down to business.

                You might have noticed that sometimes you start a story and things are going pretty great. You’ve established your setting, you’ve put your characters into the setting, and maybe you’ve even thought up a snappy title for the finished product. But, then you get to that part where things are supposed to start happening and you’re suddenly drawing a blank. The well has run dry. There’s no gas left in the tank. If you can think of another crappy cliché about running out of ideas, let me know.

                In short, you just can’t come up with anything that works. All that pops into your head are things that you keep telling yourself are absolutely stupid and ridiculous and make no sense at all. Now, if you’re standing up and can manage to tear your eyes away from the computer screen for a few seconds, you should probably go find yourself a chair and take a seat before you read on. What I’m about to tell you might be a little difficult to process. Seated yet? Good.

                You need to open up your word processor – or get out your typewriter if you’re really old school – you need to get out your unfinished work, and you need to continue writing your story by using all the stupid, whacky, ridiculous and nonsensical ideas that pop into your head. Yes, that’s right. All that stuff you keep insisting has no place in your work of beauty needs to be thrown into it. All of it. Killer amoebas from outer space? Write it. Demon-possessed ferrets? Write it. People who speak by oinking at each other? Okay, that one’s a little far-fetched, but write it, anyway!

                Before you ask, no I am not telling you this because I’m hoping eliminate the competition. I am telling you this because those absolutely stupid ideas aren’t going to go anywhere until you write them down. If you’ve got a pile of useless clutter in your basement that is constantly in your way, it won’t be out of your way until you throw it out. And sometimes, when you go through that useless clutter, you might even find something that isn’t completely useless after all (dibs on the killer amoebas).

                And, let’s be honest, unless you’re one of the old school writers mentioned above, if it turns out that all the useless junk in your head really is useless junk, then you can just hold down the backspace button until it all goes away, and, finally, you can forget all about it and move on.

                So, the next time you sit down to write that un-writeable something, do what comes naturally. Not everything you write is going to be serious and poignant, and most of it probably doesn’t need to be. If you’ve emptied your head and you still can’t come up with something then just close up shop and take a nap. Or something like that. Who knows? Maybe the great space cow will deliver while you’re sleeping.